The Darkest Hour Part Two.

The general surgeon had done his job and all was well. Wrong. My kidneys decided they would no longer work.

To the best of my understanding what happens is that when the body is experiencing extreme shock, the brain starts to shut down organs. Just a few hours earlier we were thinking that I might get released soon, now no one was sure that I would make it through the night. I could have died from the heart attack, I could have died during the heart bypass surgery. I almost died during the emergency surgery and now I could poison myself and die because of kidney failure or drown in my own fluids.

Before the colonoscopy I had four doctors: a cardiologist, a heart surgeon, an infectious disease specialist and the GP. Now you can add a general surgeon, a GI doctor, a pulmonary specialist and a kidney specialist.

I was unconscious, I did not know what going on, but thank God my wife wasn't. She was keeping a vigilant eye on me and what they were doing. She was the only one I truly trusted. She was the only one who really cared if I lived or died. She told me the doctors would have heated discussions on what to do next. The heart doctors was concerned with my heart, the kidney doctor was concerned with my kidneys, the pulmonologist was concerned with my lungs. What? Where did the lungs come into this?

When my kidneys stopped working I could not process liquids. I could not pee, but they could not stop intravenously feeding me “liquids”. They were pumping me with liquids to keep me fed and also so to keep me hydrated, but I could not pee. The lung doctor was concerned that the lungs would accumulate water, which could turn into pneumonia, among other things. The heart surgeon was concerned about the toxins in my body that were not being evacuated and could be detrimental to the healing heart. The kidney doctor was concerned with bringing my kidneys back online so to speak. He was concerned that If he allowed me to go on dialysis my kidneys would get lazy and never recover or begin to function again.

I grew large; all of the water in my body needed to go somewhere and it spread throughout my body. I swelled up; the only one that took a picture was my oldest sister but she no longer has it. When I saw the pictures my hands looked like they were twice the normal size. I don’t know how long I was in this stage; I do know the kidney doctor. finally did relent and scheduled me for dialysis. I was told they removed between 15 and 18 lbs of water the first time I went to dialysis. After the emergency surgery I was in intensive care. I was unconscious for 10 to 12 days. I’m still not sure of how long it was. I was taken care of 24 hours a day. I was taken to dialysis a few more times. but only as a last resort.

I now have a six to eight inch scar over my heart, I have an eight to ten inch scar on my belly. I no longer have a belly button. I have scars were the incision was made for my colostomy bag and my open intestine. I have picc line scars on my neck.  What are picc line scars you may ask. A picc line is very similar to an IV line. (for a complete discription follow the link http://picclinenursing.com/picc_why.html) The visible difference is that they have to insert a tube into your vien by doing so the incision leaves a scar.   I have scars in my chest and belly where other lines or cuts were made. The next seven to ten days I was sedated and unconscious; I don't know if that's what is referred to as an induced coma, but I was out in La La Land. During this period of time is when my heart surgeon tried to reassure my wife that I would survive. He told her I was relatively young, in reasonable health and that I would pull through. This is the head of the heart transplant department telling my wife to keep positive. Do you think he would have made that statement if I was not at death’s door?

When the general surgeon says, “I'm going to do all I can” what do you think that means? It means, “I will do all I know, but the outcome is beyond my control or knowledge.” It means he’s going to the end of his knowledge to as far as he knows to go. And then it is up to what? My situation was this, I’d had heart bypass surgery a few days before, I had just had a second major surgery, had two feet of intestine removed, an ileostomy and now my kidneys had stopped working. I was in intensive care with round the clock monitoring. All of the doctors had done all they could. It’s as if they, the doctors, said, “Let’s see what happens.” At this point, as an individual, what do you do? I mean the doctors have done all they can, they have reached the end of the intellectual storehouse and have no more to give, they've reached their skill limit; there is nothing more they can do.

If you believe in nothing what do you do? If you believe that you just happened, where is your hope? Who do you turn to; what do you hope for? What can you do? Do you leave your existence up to chance? I feel sorry for people in similar situations, not for the one going through it, but to the relatives and loved ones that are living it. How desperate and hollow must be the hopelessness and helplessness of this situation. The utter loneliness and emptiness of a chance  existence must be horrifying. The crushing reality of meaninglessness; it was all for nothing, life empties out into the void it came from without proof or remembrance of its existence.

Fortunately for me and mine, we believe in God. We have a hope, we have a comforter we have someone to turn to in times of trouble. We have a champion that will stand before us. We have assurance of the life we live now and the life that is to come; we already have the victory. And we are never alone, because Christ our Savior said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” We can, in the moment of crisis, bow before God and make our petitions known and know they we will be heard. We can turn to the creator of the universe and all that is in it and plead our case. We have an assurance that in the Creator, we will be secure.  We know that in our darkest hour our God shines like the rising sun.

Coming soon Hallucinations.