Observations And Questions.

It has been slightly over two years since my heart attack.  

I am left with some questions and observations.

The most  significant of these is the reality of God. I have always believed in God, I knew of his existence, I accepted his love and sovereignty. I was not aware of his presence. The word “presence” can be used in a couple of ways. One, they say he has presence to mean that someone has a certain something that makes everyone around him take notice. You can say of that person that he or she has “presence”. The other is to mean that the person is here with you in the present. God’s presence is, he is here now with me. In the darkest time of my ordeal I felt the presence of God. When I woke up in the middle of the night and no one was there, I could feel the peace of God and know that the outcome would be in accordance with his will. I knew that, as a child of God, he would not fail or abandon me. I knew that, whether it be death or life, God would be with me, sustaining me. That is evident by the fact that I did not fear. I was unafraid of the outcome. Knowing that fact changes your outlook on life. You understand that  God does have all things in his hands. He is in total control of life.

One of the questions I have is why? Not why did it happen, but why did I survive? You see, I was a walking billboard for a heart attack. There were genetic indicators, there were lifestyle habits, there were self -induced causes, I ignored doctors’ recommendations. I mean, I did just about everything I could have done for the heart attack to have occurred. So really, why it happened is not a mystery. The real question is why did the Lord God decide to leave me here? My wife told me she was speaking with a visitor at the hospital and she told her, "I know  God can heal him, but I don’t  know if he will.” So the question I have is what is the purpose of my life now that I have survived? Before my heart attack I read “The Purpose Driven Life”, a book I have recommended to many people. However, if I were to summarize it I would say this, the purpose driven life is a life dedicated to serving God. You see, the only thing that will have positive eternal repercussions is your service to God; everything else will be lost in the sands of time. Your accomplishments will be lost, gone, never to be found.

The funny thing is that we as Christians make it so difficult. We attend classes, we study the Bible, we go to seminars to study to determine how we can serve God. It is real simple. God has given you gifts and abilities. Things that you are good at. Your search should begin and end there. That is what you are supposed to do. Live out the gifts that God has given you. That’s the purpose God has intended for your life. Not everyone is to be a preacher, evangelist, teacher, minister, singer, composer or any of the other visible components of the body of Christ. However, all of the visible components of the church are dependent on the rest of us. We are the ones that make it possible for the church to move forward, yet we are also dependent on those that God has gifted as the visible face of the church. We all need to develop to the utmost the gifts and abilities he has given us for his service.

The purpose in my life has not changed before or after the heart attack, it's always been the same: serve God with what he has given me.  The purpose in your life is the same: serve God with what he has given you.

What has changed is my appreciation of time. Before I looked at my mother’s life and thought I still had many years to go; she is currently in her 90s. Now I thank God for every day he gives me. I have become acutely aware of how short life really is and how insignificant all of our endeavors really are. I look back on my life, I look back 100 years in my lineage and I don’t know the people that were alive then. I know that looking forward, my grandchildren will probably not know very much about me, mostly because they haven’t been born yet, my great grandchildren might know only my name. This is the reality.

Great accomplishments are only great until someone comes along and comes up with a better solution. That’s the nature of humanity, always looking to improve a current process and by doing so, relegating the last great accomplishment to the history books, which will be revised and rewritten until a great accomplishment becomes but a footnote in an obscure corner of history. That may sound pessimistic; that is not my intent. My intent is to make you realize that without God, our existence will be less than a footnote in the history of time. In the past five years my wife and I have experienced death unlike ever before in our lives. In that period of time members of our family have died from carbon monoxide poisoning, another died after a life that was long lost due to sniffing glue. His mother died shortly after him. Another death was a murder, suicide. Another died of Alzheimer's. Another died in a motorcycle accident. And my mother in law also died of Alzheimer’s. I had a neighbor that died in his parked truck from a hemorrhage in his brain. Some of these people died before, some after my heart attack. Some were old, most were too young.  

How would you answer this question? If you had six months to live, how would you spend your time? The answer to that question should be, “Exactly the way I’m living my life now.” As you can see from the preceding paragraph, life can end at any time in a variety of ways. We are not promised a chance to do those things we have put off. We must incorporate everything we desire to do or accomplish into every day because we don’t know when we will run out of time. Believe me, I don’t intend to be pessimistic or negative. My intent is to encourage you and motivate you to fulfill the purpose for which you were created. In the fulfilment of the abilities and gifts you were given, you will find the greatest joy, purpose, happiness and value. You do not have the time to say, “I will do it later.” There is no later, there is only now. Begin the journey that will bring you into the fulfilment of who God intended you to be; you will be blessed beyond measure.

I am still here because God has more for me to do. He has more for you to do.

I have a renewed passion for life; I find myself praying every day, “Lord, let me live.” It’s not because I'm afraid of death, but because I am more determined and motivated to live the life God created me for. I am beginning to realize the joy of living I have missed for most of my life. Life is not about the dreaming, the wanting, the searching - it is about the doing. Everything you do should add to your existence, not subtract from it. Only positive, fruitful, edifying actions will bring you joy. Negativity in the smallest amount will only diminish your opportunity to live a truly exceptional life. Unfortunately, it took me having a heart attack and almost dying to realize that. It is true, you can’t prevent the negative from happening. I’m not living in a cloud. However, you can determine that whatever the circumstance, you can choose your reaction to whatever comes. Chose to react in ways that add to your life, not in ways that will diminish your existence.

I am grateful, joyful and happy to know that God is alive, vital and still interested in his creation. All he wants from us is to know him. In knowing him, he will provide us with all we need to live an exceptional, wonderful life - not a problem free life or even a sheltered life, only a life that will be wonderful beyond the circumstances. He will be with us on the mountain top and he is with us in the pits of life’s hell. We don’t serve a candy man God that will only be with us in the sweet times, but we have a God that will be with us even when we are at death’s door. He will be with you in every situation this world will throw at you.

There is a scripture I will paraphrase, “God will not allow anything to tempt you beyond what you are able to handle.”

    For me, this scripture is extremely motivating. God believes in me. He believes, nay, he knows I can handle any and all situations in my life in a way that will glorify him and bless and liberate me, provided I take the time to get to know him. If I don’t take the time to know him, I will not know I can handle any and all situations. Without knowing him, I will not know that I can count on his never-ending resources. I would not know that I am an heir of the most High God; I would not know he loves me. I would not know that he has made provision for me in this life and in the one that is to come. God truly is awesome.